Him
It’s been just over a month since I left HK but feels like forever. And the longer I am away, the faster I feel like what we had is slipping away, like it was all a dream, like it never happened at all. And all I can do is stare at my phone and read our messages to know that you still exist, that you care. But through a message, it’s hard to tell…and hard to know why I’m still holding on. And makes staying up late/waking up early/skipping events seem even more silly… I need to start believing I have a good reason to do so again… That it’s all worth it, that I’m not just acting like a fool.
I always heard long distance is hard but never understood why. In my mind I’d always think, “just break it off and meet somebody new”. And itd be that simple. But it’s not…or it still is and I’m just overthinking the situation. I want to feel something, anything. I want to feel that I’m somebody’s number 1. I want to feel that he cares. I want to feel special… And right now, I don’t feel any of that… Wow “it” just ached a bit to even admit that.
Every time Karen says “don’t do it, it’s long distance” i feel more like a idiot for holding on so tightly. It’s like I want this too much…way more than it is realistic.
