December 2011
1 post
I’m starting to forget what being happy is like.
Fuck.
November 2011
1 post
At the end of the day, what matters?
All I want is someone to tell me “it’s okay, everything will be okay.” At the end of the day, I just want to talk to you and have everything be the same. And not for u to leave for the gym… I just want us to TALK. NORMALLY. And for you to show that you care…am I just being stupid?? Is this clear that you don’t want...
October 2011
4 posts
Gosh, I stay online just to see that you’re still online, that you still exist… pathetic, right?
I’m trying so hard to suppress everything inside and outside people just think I’m a walking zombie.
Poop
Hey youuuu… Sigh, today we finally stopped talking. I guess it was a mutual agreement…but I can’t believe how easily it is for you to take it. Like with the flip of a switch, you can suddenly stop caring. And it hurts :( The only reason I signed off so quickly was because I didn’t want you to see me crying again :( And I’m upset because you had to much time to...
Got off at noon today!! PHEW. First week is over and done with… did I learn much? Not really. Am I excited to be on engagements? Not so much. For some reason I just want it to be over and done with. I just want to get the next two years over and done with…then to what?
I would talk to you, but you’re being really cold right now. I don’t feel like being needy right...
Hey, haven’t spoken to you in awhile… How’ve u been? Resting mustve been heavenly the past few days! It’s well deserved since you did put in your fair share the past few weeks. I’m sorry I wasn’t more considerate.
It’s been 3 days of real life and it’s already scaring me…this is when you usually tell me “why are you scared?...
September 2011
7 posts
Him
Whenever I have the urge to say something irrational, all I can do is bite my tongue and wait till the rush of emotions washes out. And same as before, all I can do is trust that nothing’s changed…
I really miss the
“Morning”s,
“Good Night”s,
“Miss you”s, and
“xx”s.
Now I’m lucky if we even get to have a conversation. And when...
Life
Work starts in a few days… I’m not ready to accept it yet. I’ve never worked a full-time job in my life, not even sure if last summer even counted! I practically had zero responsibility and it was “okay” if I screwed up because that’s what is expected of interns. But EEKS no more of that anymore! The big world calls for big responsibilities, and grown up...
I just wonder if he actually cares anymore…but all I can do is trust that he does and trust that nothings changed.
But what’s the point of holding on to something too tightly? We have no right to hold on. If any thing still decided to come running back to you, consider yourself lucky.
What I want…
I want the sparks, the fireworks, the longing to talk to each, and not for everything to become a mundane routine.
I want you to be excited and want to talk to me, not because you have to. And being exclusive doesn’t help…it means you know I’ll always be there whenever you call. But can you reciprocate?
Him
I mean, what CAN he/we do? Nothing. The greatest gift we can have is time. The rest will hopefully fall into place… Good things come to those who wait, right? NTS: stop complaining about the small things. He has enough stress as it is. Say something whenever in doubt.
Family
You can’t change who you’re a family with. I can’t change the fact Karens a princess, and that I try to compensate for her lack of responsibility. I can’t help that my dad is impatient and throws tantrums easily, so I try to make up by being the mediator. I can’t help that my mom… I can’t really name one bad thing about her besides nagging a bit too...
Him
It’s been just over a month since I left HK but feels like forever. And the longer I am away, the faster I feel like what we had is slipping away, like it was all a dream, like it never happened at all. And all I can do is stare at my phone and read our messages to know that you still exist, that you care. But through a message, it’s hard to tell…and hard to know why I’m...